My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
