i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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