I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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