omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
