This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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