so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
