oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
