I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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