She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
