cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
