I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
