I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
