I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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