we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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