I CAN MOONWALK!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
