I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
