Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
