Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
