u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize