So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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