If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
