I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
