I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
