Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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