Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
