If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
