I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize