His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
