It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Someone came in the potted fern
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
