i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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