Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
