...so i touched it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
