Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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