Betty ford says i'm here all night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
