upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I got inside last night via doggy door
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
