When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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