No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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