So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
