Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
