I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
