I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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