:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
