OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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