I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
