so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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