Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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