First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
