The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
