Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize