Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
