I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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