real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
