Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize