real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
