Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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