I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
