You made me cry and you don't even care
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
