Ambien. No doubt about it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
