Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
