My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
