how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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