I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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