ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
