But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
