i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
